good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
