I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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