it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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