Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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