Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
