she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
