Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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