He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
