i would punch a child for taco bell
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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