I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
