like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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