I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
