I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
