I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You need a sexual gate keeper
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
