so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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