just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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