Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
