I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
