I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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