Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
