I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
