five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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