Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
