1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
