So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
