I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
