Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
