Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
