I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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