I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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