just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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