I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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