I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
