just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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