He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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