This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
