I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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