If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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