Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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