and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
