Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nutella sex= disaster
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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