My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
