im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Drunk is not a location!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
