She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
