I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
