My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
