Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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