You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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