Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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