He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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