She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
