You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize