He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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