dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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