Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
