seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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