You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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