I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
