at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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