Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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