we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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