I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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