Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my poor anus
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
