Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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