my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Success! We fucked roommates!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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