Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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