all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sarcasm needs its own font
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
