i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
