Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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