there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
