I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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