The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
