i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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