Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize