you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
