apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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