If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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