Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
