R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
