tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
