opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
