It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
