I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im part way to drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
