the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
