Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
