similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
