All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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