so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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