i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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