Small penises have feelings too.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
