FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
