im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
