Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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