We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
