Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
