2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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