fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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