You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
God I need to hump something, right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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