He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
