After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
