I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
