Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
